Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
