A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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