tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
