It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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