Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
