i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
