I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Welp...herpes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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