Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
