yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
