i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
