if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
