I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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