I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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