I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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