You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
