I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just google imaged poop.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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