So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
