dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I will be naked everywhere
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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