she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
