High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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