So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
