I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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