life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
