Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
