you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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