sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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