There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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