I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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