You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
