If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
