toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
