I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
