We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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