Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
