I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
