her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
