I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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