Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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