p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
