I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
