i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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