Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
