So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
