I wish I could teleport
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
