arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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