Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
