can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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