all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
