You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
