It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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